Trauma after LEEP/LLETZ

 

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Are you feeling traumatised since your LEEP/LLETZ procedure? Or are you in chronic pain? I have been working to release pain and tension in my cervix and pelvic region that I have had for 13 years.

For a few years while living in Vietnam I went to an amazing masseuse who was able to help me release tension in my pelvis, and at that time I never knew that what I really needed existed – some way to touch the cervix, and to release tension and pain in the cervix.

Now as I’m working with Olivia Bryant to create a version of Self:Cervix for LEEP recovery a whole new world is opening up to me. I’m learning about bodyworkers, and Arvigo therapy, and all kinds of things I wish I had known about 13 years ago.

I live in Switzerland where these kinds of therapies are pricey, so I’m grateful that I have my own private practise that I can do to work through the physical pain and tension, as well as the emotional baggage, and trauma that my body has been holding through all these years.

I was just chatting yesterday with my friend Asha who has been working with a pelvic osteopath for the last year, and how it’s a bit like the layers of an onion, that as we work and release one layer of tension, there is another one waiting there.

So while there’s no quick-fix miracle for restoring our body to how it was before the LEEP, there are things you can do, and I’m learning a lot on this journey.

Yesterday I spoke to Gemini Adams, who is trained in Somatic Experiencing and TRE (Trauma and Tensions release exercise). She happened to mention the Psoas muscle, which connects the upper torso with the pelvis and is located in the lower back. As soon as she mentioned where the muscle was, I realised that mine was clenched tight, and full of tension. What’s interesting is that the Psoas is known as the ‘fight or flight’ muscle – the muscles contract, when we are under threat. And for the 13 years since my LEEP, my body has still felt under threat.

Our conversation made me think about how trauma causes pain, and how often when I’m practising de-armouring (the Self:Cervix technique) I often feel like my body is ‘choosing’ to hold onto the pain and tension, and that as I try to release it, it’s a whole body/mind experience trying to let my body know that it’s safe now, it’s okay to release what I’ve been carrying.

I often think about why my body has held onto this story for 13 years, how some women have LEEP and seem to recover fine, and how my body wouldn’t let me ignore what happened to me. I think of this pain, as a story that my body wanted to tell but couldn’t because up until the last few years, I didn’t really understand what had happened to me, and all the problems with LEEP, and the medical community not admitting what they are doing to us.

As much as the healing happens on a physical level, I think it also happens through telling my story, writing, and talking with others, who help me feel safe and understood.

Today as I practised some de-armouring in the morning I was aware of my Psoas muscle, and worked consciously to relax and let go of the tension.

As part of our working making this special Self:Cervix course, I’m talking with experts, and arranging interviews that I will record and share on the course, and it’s interesting how much this work is effecting my own tension and pain. As I gather knowledge I have more awareness of what I need to heal and recover, and I’m noticing that I’m going deeper into my own Self;Cervix practise. I look forward to sharing more of what I learn on the journey.

Olivia and I will have a free webinar coming up soon, where she’ll be sharing the basic de-armouring practise. We hope you’ll join us, and be inspired to come along on this healing journey too!

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